On the opening kickoff, the Chiefs returned the ball all the way to the Texans 30, before being stripped by Texan Kris Boyd, forcing a fumble. As the ball bounced, the fate of the whole game rested on who recovered this football. I know the nerds would like to tell you that momentum isn’t a real thing, that it isn’t something that can be measured by quantifiable data, so it doesn’t exist. That’s horse shit. I have been an avid football fan for 15 years. I have seen a ton of games where 1 play seems to flip the switch and turn things around for the underdog. I’ll admit, there are games where an underdog makes a play where they don’t end up coming back and winning the game. This may sound stupid, but I would argue you can feel it in your soul when a play is a momentum changer versus a play just being a dumb mistake by the favorite. The more you watch football, the better you are at sensing it. There’s no real further explanation than that: once you know, you know. So let’s go back to this kick off, the ball is loose and 1 of 2 things will happen in a few seconds. Either the Chiefs are going to recover the ball, start their first drive of the game in excellent field position, and pick up a quick score, or the Texans are going to force a turnover on the first play of the game and essentially get to start with the ball in both halves of the game. I really don’t think I’m being too dramatic when I say that everything hinged on this play. As the ball danced across the grass like a Tik-Tok influencer hopping on the latest dance trend, RIP Tik Tok by the way, the football gods had to make a decision as to who would get this football. Well, the football gods have seemed to have a clear bias this whole year, so obviously this fumble was recovered by Kansas City. We saw this play have an immediate impact, as seconds later the Texans got a penalty for having Kris Boyd, the same dude who forced the fumble, throw his helmet off while on the field, resulting in a penalty that moved the Chiefs up half a distance to the goal. This led to the Chiefs starting their first offensive possession of the game in the Texans red zone, on the 14-yard line. While the Texans defense did a good job of only holding Kansas City to a field goal, it didn’t matter. I could already tell how the rest of the game was going to go, because I have seen this movie time and time again with the Chiefs. 

I actually really like the movie comparison, as the 1st year the Chiefs won was like when a new movie comes out that just has such compelling characters and such an amazing storyline that it becomes the ultimate box office smash hit of the year. Not only was this 1st year a box office smash hit, but it was also very popular with the die-hard movie critics, who couldn’t deny the excellence that was on display. Last season was like the sequel that Hollywood shoves down your throat. It had celebrity cameos (Taylor Swift all season, Ice Spice at the Super Bowl), amped up drama (Beating the Ravens on the road to get to the Super Bowl), and a classic ending that relied on lots of cliches (winning in overtime on the last play of the game against the 49ers). This movie was again a box office hit, but the critics were starting to get annoyed. Isn’t this just a rip off of those movies that took place in Boston in the 2000s (Patriots Dynasty)? Or the ones set in Dallas in the 90s? Or San Francisco in the 80s? Those ones were better than this one anyways, right? As critics complained, the general public loved the sequel just as much as the first one, so the studio decided they had to make a 3rd movie, which brings us to this season. This season has been the Chiefs and the NFL’s “jumping the shark” moment. For those who don’t know the meaning, the phrase “jumping the shark” refers to when a creative piece of media, such as a book, tv show, or movie, reaches a point where it’s no longer true to the original purpose, usually resulting in a decline in quality, and subsequently popularity. If you read to the very end, I will show you my favorite “jumping the shark” moment of all time, but let’s wrap up this metaphor. This season, here are the various ways the Chiefs won: Ravens tight end Isaiah Likely having his foot barely touch the back out of bounds line in the end zone on what we initially thought was a game tying catch to send the Ravens and Chiefs to overtime, Instead, the Chiefs win. Next week, a game winning 51-yard field goal over the Bengals. Next week, a game winning stop on 4th and inches to beat the Falcons.  Those ones not exciting enough for you? Okay, now let’s really jump the shark. Week 9, a wink and nod to their Super Bowl win from last season, with them beating the Buccaneers on the last play in overtime. The following week, a blocked field goal attempt that would have won Denver the game. The very next week, a win by their backup kicker they just signed off the streets. THE VERY NEXT WEEK, the Raiders miscommunicated on when the ball should be snapped while in shotgun formation, resulting in a Chiefs fumble recovery when they were otherwise set to lose to the Raiders on a field goal as time expired. Finally, the very next week yet again, where the Chiefs kicker hits the goal post on his game winning field goal attempt versus the Chargers, only the ball doesn’t hit the post and miss, it hits the post and goes in! The Chiefs go on to finish 15-2 and get the first-round bye as the 1 seed despite the fact that they could very easily have been *checks notes* 7-10. Okay, movie metaphor wrapped up, sorry for the tangent here, let’s get back to talking football.

Despite the Texans only being down 3-0, there was no hope. The Chiefs are a team that you can’t afford to give free points to, and the Texans did that here. They also gave them free points when they missed a 55-yard field goal attempt in the 2nd quarter, a decision so astonishingly dumb considering how windy it was all game long. This led to a Kansas City touchdown drive due to the short field position that they got from the missed field goal. The halftime score was 13-6, still a one possession game, but this one felt like it was over. They showed a stat for each coach coming out of the half: Andy Reid had not lost a game with a 7-point lead at half all season, and the Texans had not come back from a 7-point deficit at half all season. The Texans, to their credit, drove down the field on a grueling 15 play, 10-minute drive that resulted in them scoring a touchdown, only to then miss the extra point. This is now another point that was left on the board by the Texans, and when you make this many mistakes in a game against the Chiefs, you lose. The Chiefs got the ball back and responded with a very physical drive of their own: 13 plays, 8 minutes, and a Travis Kelce touchdown to cap it off, because of course it was Kelce. The Texans got the ball back, down by 8, with a chance to tie the game with a touchdown and a 2-point conversion, something they were obviously going to go for considering there wasn’t much time left, and their kicker was putting up a dud of a performance. The Texans drove for a little bit before stalling out at Kansas City’s 40-yard line, throwing 3 straight incompletions on their way to a mystifying decision on 4th and 10. There was no point in trying a field goal, and the odds of converting on a 4th and 10 were extremely low, so to me it was very obvious that they needed to punt the football. Instead, the Texans decided at the last second that they were going to go for it, with the offense breaking the huddle with less than 10 seconds on the play clock. They rushed to the offensive line, snapped the ball, then watched as C.J. Stroud got sacked to give the Chiefs the ball, game over.  The funny thing is, the Texans defense forced a 3 and out to force the Chiefs to punt, pinning Houston on their own 7-yard line. If the Texans had just punted the ball on the 4th and 10 and forced a 3 and out, they probably have the ball anywhere from their own 30-yard line to mid-field, even possibly in Chiefs territory. Instead, they have dogshit field position, go 3 and out themselves, and punt the ball back to Kansas City. The Chiefs proceeded to pick up a field goal on the next drive, resulting in a 23-12 lead that was at this point insurmountable for Houston.

If you’re a galaxy brained football fan and got this far, you probably are wondering when I am going to bring up the refs. Don’t worry, I will in a second. I didn’t want to bring it up while recapping the game because I wanted you to take that out of the equation when thinking about how the Chiefs won this game. If you notice, there were multiple times where a special teams mistake led to the Texans missing out on points, or even worse, actively setting Kansas City up to more, I didn’t even bring up the blocked field goal with less than 2 minutes left, setting the Chiefs up to end the game by having their punter run out of the back of the end zone as time expired to make this a 23-14 win, something that made Chiefs -9.5 betters puke and Texans +9.5 betters cream their pants (side note: I said this game’s final score would be Chiefs 24, Texans 14 when predicting this game, so go me!). So let’s do the math here: Missed field goal, plus a missed extra point, plus a blocked field goal, means that the Texans left 7 points on the table with 3 missed kicks. They also gave up a 70-yard return on the opening kickoff while not recovering the fumble they forced at the end, something that led to 3 points for Kansas City. That adds up to 10 points that Houston’s special teams cost them in this one, in a game that they lost by 9.

I want to emphasize that while I had a lot of fun making that movie metaphor, in no way was I actually trying to imply that the NFL is scripted or rigged for the Chiefs. The Texans lost this game because they had a roster with less talent and inferior coaching, with special teams being the obvious way in which this fact displays itself. The best teams tend to make little to no mistakes on special teams through the course of a game, and the Texans were making mistake after mistake on special teams. Some of it was due to coaching, like allowing long returns, getting a field goal blocked, and not putting on 4th and 10 on the Chiefs 40 in the 4th and instead trying to go for it. Some of it was just because the Texans kicker, who is considered league average, just paled in comparison to certified woman hater and douchebag with a leg Harrison Butker, who went 2-2 on field goals and extra points yesterday despite the conditions. So did the refs blow a few calls that favored the Chiefs yesterday which should lead to a conversation about the NFL being overly protective of QBs? Absolutely. But was it the deciding factor in the Texans losing this game? No way, Jose. The Texans were a less talented team who also got outcoached, and that more often than not will lead to losses. If you really want to look back at those penalties, the bad roughing the passer call on 3rd and 10 did lead to points, but only 3, so make some of your field goals and you already negate that. As for the “late hit” call on the slide Mahomes did in the 4th, it occurred on a 1st and 10, so while it did give them a first down, let’s look at what the scenario would have been if they didn’t get the call. It would have been either 2nd and 6 or 2nd and 5 depending on the spot. You wanna tell me that on a drive where they proceeded to pick up first down after first down on their way to a touchdown, that they would not have gotten a first down here eventually? After a positive play on 1st down? Give me a break, if you truly think that then you are just complaining for the sake of complaining, frustrated with the fact that the Chiefs won yet again. And look, I totally get it, as someone whose favorite team is in the same division as the Cheifs and has to face them twice a year, losing to them fucking sucks! But after the game ends and I calm down, I look back and realize that there were plenty of things we could have done throughout the game to play better and beat Kansas City. As they say, shit don’t change until you get up and wash your ass. So while it’s fun to make memes and vent about the league being rigged for the Chiefs and how your favorite team got fucked over, you need to face the reality that the Chiefs are a great team coming off back to back championships that does the little things right to win games, while your team is just a good but flawed team that makes mistakes sometimes that cost themselves games.

Commanders at Lions Recap

I don’t have much to say about Commanders at Lions, because I wrote my love letter to Jayden Daniels last week after their playoff win on the road over the Buccaneers, and this would have just been that but even more passionate, and honestly, even more gay. Literally, I would have been saying some flirtatious things about this man tonight based on how impressed I was that they dropped 45 points on the number 1 seed Detroit Lions, in their stadium.  As I mentioned last week, what makes Daniels special isn’t necessarily his athleticism, though he is really athletic, or his arm talent, which is excellent. What makes him special is his poise in big moments, staying cool and calm on 4th down multiple times last night, converting on all 3 4th downs where he actually touched the ball. I say it like that because technically the Commanders missed a 4th down while he was on the field, when they decided to QB sneak Marcus Mariota after he motioned from being line up at wide receiver, please view below.

Jayden Daniels delivered every time the Commanders asked him to make a big play in a crucial spot, whether it was him scrambling for a first down or him setting his feet and delivering a great throw with the Lions loading up to blitz. Okay, let me go on to talking about the Lions, as I already can feel the half chub coming on.

This was supposed to be the year for Detroit. They made it to the NFC championship game last year, coming so close to their first Super Bowl appearance in franchise history. They ran it back year with essentially the same team, except they picked up cornerbacks Terrion Arnold and Ennis Rakestraw in the 1st 2 rounds of the draft, signed defensive end Marcus Davenport, cornerback Amik Robertson, and defensive tackle D.J. Reader. This strengthened the Lions defense, which was considered to be average at best during their 2023-24 NFC Championship run. The Lions kept both their defensive and offensive coordinators, which was huge considering it looked like offensive coordinator Ben Johnson was about to land himself a head coaching job. This was supposed to be the year for the Lions. They would go on to dominate all season long, producing the league’s best offense and thrashing teams every single week. They even won a game versus the Vikings in week 18, where if they lost, they would have been the 5 seed. They won 31-9, completely dominating on both ends and securing the number 1 seed in the NFC. This meant they were going to have home field advantage throughout the NFC bracket, and a week off to rest and recover from the grueling regular season. They were 15-2 and again, this was supposed to be their year. Until it wasn’t. Why? In my opinion, just like the Rams in 2020, they have a Jared Goff problem.

Jared Goff threw 3 interceptions and lost a fumble last night, which the Commanders proceeded to turn into 21 points, in a game they lost by 14. Jared Goff forced his 1st interception, made a bad throw on his 2nd, and was too desperate for a big play on his 3rd. When you add the interception that Lions wide receiver Jameson Williams threw when the Lions were down 10 with 12 minutes (yes you read that right), the Lions turned over the ball 5 times that resulted in 28 Commanders points. Yes, Daniels and the Commanders offense had a great game and carved up the Lions defense, but the Lions offense didn’t do their defense any favors. The Lions have multiple defensive players set to hit free agency this offseason, and both offensive coordinator Ben Johnson and defensive coordinator Aaron Glenn have interviewed for multiple head coaching positions this offseason, so they will likely lose both of them to other teams soon. Specifically, I think losing Ben Johnson will be huge, because I think he was the biggest reason for Jared Goff playing like a competent quarterback these past couple of years. And who knows, maybe the Lions bring in a new guy, or someone who was on the staff as an offensive assistant, and they keep running as smooth of an operation as they always have. I don’t know though, to me it felt like with the Lions set to lose both their coordinators, this had to be the year. I think what we saw tonight from Goff is the same thing we saw from 2019-2020 when he was on the Rams. Once Todd Gurley lost his juice as a runner, Goff seemed to really struggle. Granted, this isn’t necessarily an indictment on Goff in particular. Most quarterbacks struggle when they don’t have a run game, as you get put into more pass obvious situations, which makes it easier for the defense to tee off on the quarterback. I worry that Ben Johnson was the Lion’s Todd Gurley, calling plays in such a creative way and with great balance that resulted in the Lions being the best offense in the league. I still think the Lions will be good next year, but they won’t be 15-2 good, more like 10-7 good. And here’s what I am ultimately trying to say about Goff: He isn’t a Josh Allen, a Patrick Mahomes, a Lamar Jackson, or… a Jayden Daniels. These are guys who are so excellent at football, that they can single handedly guarantee that your offense will be a top 10 offense, regardless of the player put around them. Goff is not one of those guys; he needs damn near perfect circumstances around him for him to perform at an elite level. The Lions have 2 good running backs, an elite tight end, a talented offensive line, and a true number 1 wide receiver. What they won’t have going forward is an excellent play caller, and that alone might be enough to make the Lions offense crumble. Goff makes 18 million next year, then makes 55 million the following year, along with 2 additional years at 40 million per season. The Lions are stuck with Goff for at least the next 3 seasons, and when he makes more and more as time goes on, that is less money you can spend on the rest of the roster to surround Goff with the necessary pieces to be successful. This HAD to be the year for the Lions. They now move onto the offseason, staring into the abyss, wondering if they will ever get this far again in the Goff-Campbell era.

Alright, you made it to the end, time to watch my favorite jumping the shark moment. This comes in the show Snowfall, a 6 season show that I still put very highly on my list of all-time favorite TV shows, but did have this goofy ass moment. This comes in season 5 episode 6, so pretty late into the show. For context, this is a show about how the CIA helped sell drugs in California to help fund a war in Nicaragua that the US Congress denied spending money on. Because the funding was denied, the CIA decided to make money for the war in a different way: selling drugs. Specifically, they helped move cocaine, something that they then realized could be turned into crack to make even more money on each brick of cocaine they sold. The CIA then assisted the Contras, a right-wing militia style group that were essentially terrorists. They were fighting off communist control in Nicaragua and assisted the Contras in the selling of cocaine to dealers in America, who then turned that into crack, which led to the crack epidemic. I would dive further into it because I find it so interesting, but if you really want to know more, watch the full show or look into the story on Google. Yes, this is based on alleged true events. You can search for the Iran-Contra affair, Oliver North, Duane Clarridge, Freeway Rick Ross, the Boland Amendment, or the U.S. embargo against Nicaragua in 1985. Essentially, this was more red scare bullshit war funded in the name of capitalism by fucking over Americans and their families with drug addiction. So back to the show, in this particular episode Franklin Saint, the show’s equivalent to Freeway Rick Ross, and his sidekick Oso were running away from rival drug dealers who were trying to jump him due to the duffle bag full of cash that he was carrying around at the time. They had just been in a drug deal gone wrong, which is why they had to carry around all that cash. They ran away and broke into a house to hide, where they were met by an old white man who shot them both with tranquilizers, already an odd moment because I would assume that in this scenario, this dude would actually have a gun. They wake up only to find themselves stuck in a cage with a tiger, with a gate in between that could only be lifted up from a lever. I mean come on, why the hell does the house they break into happen to have a crazy person living in it with tranquilizer darts ready to go and a tiger in a cage in his backyard? This was the first time the show lost me with the plot, because I’m sorry, but there is no way this could possibly happen. How would the neighbors of this guy not know he has a Tiger in his backyard? Because if they did, they certainly would have called the police on this dude. I ended up not minding it though, despite how silly it was, because it led to one of the goriest scenes in the whole show, despite it being a show that featured murder in damn near every episode. Don’t say I didn’t warn you that this one is gory as hell. Oso, Franklin’s associate, used his belt to tie the cage closed, making it so the old man would need to climb the cage to get the gate to work. Now that I have set the dinner table, enjoy your meal.